Giving Greens Another Chance

This African American staple food has been avoided by me for years — until now.

Greens. Go to any household on any given Sunday in the South, and you’re sure to find a pot slow-boiling on the stove for Sunday dinner. Collards. Mustards. Turnips. Whatever the variety, they’ll be there, along with one or two neckbones, seasoned to perfection to give them that signature flavor. Some add a little sugar, some add a little spice.

I have, unfortunately, never liked greens. It was one of those foods that I was forced to eat growing up and have since avoided in adulthood out of spite, grits being another one (however, I don’t think I will be giving them another chance). The smell was a little off-putting, they were always boiled to oblivion, turning them into a mushy mess, and after being boiled for the requisite 1 or more hours, they turned black. It’s like the yucky depiction of canned spinach in children’s shows and movies, but somehow worse. And it was almost always spicy, which I hated as a youngin’. To top it all off, I was given no choice in the matter on whether or not they would be slopped onto my plate–they always were, and I never ate them, much to my mom’s chagrin. I’m okay with being broke in the new year if it means I don’t have to eat greens. I was never superstitious anyway.

However, now that I’m an adult and have embarked on a culinary journey of sorts, I’ve decided to give them another chance. You see, over the years, I’ve come to a realization: my parents were not great cooks. I first realized this when I made pork chops for the first time in college. To my surprise, you weren’t supposed to blast them in the oven for an hour at 350, removing all moisture from the tender cut of meat. As it happens, I like pork chops. Just not when my mom makes them.

So, on a Friday evening with RuPaul’s Drag Race on in the background, I sauteéd some greens. Why sauteé? Well, as a modern working lady of the 21st century, I absolutely do not have the time let alone the patience to boil greens for an hour or more. Besides, I never liked them that way, so why do it like that?

For this, I didn’t follow a recipe; rather, I just went with the flow. This method is very uncomplicated–all that’s required are the greens, some form of fat to sauteé them in, and salt and pepper. 4 ingredients!

I started out with a small bag of collards sourced directly from my workplace’s mini-farm. I was told they would make about 1–2 servings.

The only thing I know about greens is that you do not want the stems. So, I plucked them off. They went to good use, though! My workplace’s compost worms enjoyed them greatly.

After that, I gave them a good rinse.

Now, it’s down to cooking. You may see this image and think to yourself, “Wow, that is a lot of butter.” And you’re right–it’s an obscene amount of butter, especially for the amount of greens that I had (which is to say, not a lot). Mistakes were made in that regard. I can admit that. Next time, I will use maybe 1/3rd of that amount.

And into the pan they go. I made sure all the leaves were evenly coated in the (obscene amount of) butter, and gave them a dusting of salt and pepper.

After a few minutes, they had wilted down considerably. It reminded me of sauteéing spinach.

A few minutes more pass, and I consider them done. In all, I let them cook for roughly 10 minutes. In all, the whole process took 20–25 minutes. A perfect amount of time for a modern working lady of the 21st century such as myself!

I decided to pair my collards with some air-fried salmon (another food I didn’t like until it was cooked correctly) and string beans roasted in toasted sesame oil. For a Friday evening meal, it was pretty amazing. I wish I had a nice, aesthetically pleasing picture of the collards, string beans, and salmon plated up, but unfortunately (or, I suppose fortunately, for this experiment), I ate the collards immediately after they were done, straight out of the pan. They were good. The excess of butter was a little gross, but they otherwise had a pleasant, mild flavor and a pleasing crunch. And, they didn’t turn black!

So, I suppose I have been converted over to the collard green camp now. But only if they’re sautéed (in a reasonable amount of butter or oil). Next time I go home, I will be requesting my mom to set aside some greens so I can sauté them myself.

What have I learned from this experience? Well, as I have been continually learning during my culinary journey, any food can taste good as long as it’s made right. Not to say that the traditional slow-boil method is wrong, per se, it just isn’t for me. But, now I have a method that is for me, and I can add it to my mental cooking repertoire. I love experimenting with food, despite not quite having the time these days, and this experiment proved to be a success.